AF – Aunt Flo. We hate her. Also called Crimson Tide, Red Witch, Little Friend, Raggedy Ann, Bitch. It’s your period.
BBT — Basal Body Temperature Resting body temp. When you take your BBT first thing in the morning, before you even get up to pee, you can chart it throughout the month and will notice a spike that occurs the day after ovulation. Why? Because progesterone is released during ovulation, which is a heat-producing hormone and will cause a rise in BBT. It won’t drop until AF is right around the corner, when the body stops producing progesterone. Handy little sucker.
BCP — Birth Control Pill The pill. Oral contraceptive. Sometimes given to control PCOS, sometimes given to prep the body for an egg retrevial during IVF. Sometimes used to flush down the toilet when beginning TTC.
BD – Baby Dance. Hibbity Dibbity. Chumba Wumba. Horizontal Tango. Hide the Salami. You get the picture. Not to be confused with Baby Dust, which is what silly women sprinkle on other silly women who are TTC. If anyone has any extra…send it my way, please!
BFN – Big Fat Negative What you see when a “not pregnant” pops up on a digital test or, no matter how many times you squint and wave it under a flashlight, no double line pops up on the analog test. Usually followed by a string of swear words, uncontrollable sobbing, and a pint of Haagen Dazs.
BFP – Big Fat Positive Usually followed by hyperventilating, more swear words, and another pint of Haagen Dazs. For the baby.
BT – Beta Test/Blood Test Measures the exact amount of the HCG in the bloodstream; used to detect pregnancy. Urine tests are qualitative, meaning they measure if and only if the HCG is there, whereas beta tests are quantitative, meaning they can measure the precise amount of HCG in your blood stream. Way more accurate than peeing on a stick.
CBE – Clear Blue Easy preggo test. In my experience, the digital ones aren’t super reliable, but then again…technology has always been my Waterloo. Pro Tip: Stick to the one-or-two solid line tests. Less room for operator error.
CD — Cycle Day How we live our lives; one CD at a time. CD1 is the first day of your period – first day of full red flow, none of that snotty brown nonsense. Most women ovulate around CD12-16, and Raggedy Ann arrives around CD28-30.
CF — Cervical Fluid The snotty, creamy, watery, gunky white or pale yellow stuff we see on our panties throughout the month. It changes throughout your cycle and is a great indicator of impending ovulation. See also CM, EWCM.
CL — Corpus Luteum It’s a cyst. They’re the functional cysts that stick around after ovulation, and can be bad news if they don’t dissolve on their own. Most of the time they do, but when they don’t, they can rupture or cause ovarian torsion. The risk of developing these suckers increases while on fertility drugs.
CM — Cervical Mucus. See CF.
CP — Cervical Position Because our lives aren’t exciting enough without shoving fingers up the ole’ hoohaa. Right before you ovulate, your cervix is high and soft, like pursed lips (see SHOW). Then, as AF comes to town, it gets low and hard, like the tip of your nose. Pro Tip: Make a duck face. Now touch your lips. That’s what your CP should feel like right before O. Now touch the tip of your nose. This is what it feels like as AF arrives. Pro Tip #2: try to avoid checking your CP and immediately touching your duck face or schnoz. You won’t like it.
DH, DP — Darling Husband/ Darling Partner. Often times, sarcasm is very heavily implied.
DPO — Days Past Ovulation technically, it’s the luteal phase of your cycle, but it’s more commonly referred to “when to start scouring preggo websites and symptom spot.”
DTD — Do The Deed See BD. Tab A into Slot B. Repeat as necessary.
E@H — Easy At Home Another ovulation/preggo test you can buy on Amazon Prime in a huge pack for pennies apiece. My kind of product.
EC — Embryo Cyro/Freezing the freezing of the babies (embryos, blastocysts, globs of human DNA, whatevs) after an egg retrieval for future transfer.
EDD — Estimated Delivery/Due Date the last day you will ever get a full night’s sleep.
EWCM — Egg White Cervical Mucus nature’s ovulation test. The snotty, slippery, stretchy CM that haunts your hoohaa right around ovulation. When you start getting this goop on your panties, time to BD, DTD, etc.
FMU — First morning urine ideal for use with HPTs. Usually by the time I remember I need to test I’m mid-stream, and there is no stopping that train. I’m not a morning person.
FRER — First Response Another preggo test. Pretty much your best bet if you wanna start POAS before you miss a period. Same rules apply for CBE…stick with the zero-technology-required ones and you’ll do fine.
FSH — Follicle-stimulating Hormone Follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). Produced in the brain (technically the pituitary gland, but I went to public school), literally tells your body to start maturing follicles for ovulation. Also, FSH is the hormone in most injectable fertility meds, which causes multiple follies to mature.
hCG — human chorionic gonadotropin The pregnancy hormone. Released by the placenta after implantation. It’s what causes the second pink line on a HPT. A beta test of 5 or greater is a confirmed pregnancy, although you need to hold your breath if it’s below 25. And no, I have no idea why the “h” isn’t capitalized.
HSG — Hysterosalpingogram Sado-masochistic procedure where the sadist (aka radiologist) inserts the medical equivalent of a garden hose up your cervix, then squirts you full of radioactive dye and snaps some pictures. It’s to test for blockages in the fallopian tubes, and it’s waaay worse than stepping on a lego.
HPT — Home Pregnancy Test CBE, E@H, FRER…Target brand. They’re pretty much all the same, and are all followed by swear words, hyperventalization and/or Haagen Dazs.
ICSI — IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection or, for those of us in the know, “icksy.” Used in conjunction with IVF, where one sperm is injected into an egg to ensure fertilization. Primarily used in male-factor or unexplained infertility.
IUI –IntraUterine Insemination procedure that shoves a small catheter through your cervix and squirts washed, concentrated sperm directly into the uterus. It’s actually not painful at all. I’ve had many.
IVF — In-Vitro Fertilization Egg and Sperm meet for cocktails in a petri dish. Egg gets a little tipsy, invites sperm over for dinner, and she wakes up pregnant.
LH — Luteinizing Hormone A female hormone secreted by the pituitary gland, necessary to regulate ovarian function. This is what surges 12-36 hours before ovulation and is the hormone detected in OPKs.
LP — Luteal Phase The luteal phase of the menstrual cycle spans the time between ovulation and the onset of the next menses. A luteal phase is usually 12 – 16 days and should be at least 10 days for successful implantation. A short luteal phase can make it difficult for a women to get pregnant.
MC or M/C — Miscarriage It doesn’t matter if you’re five weeks or five months along, these suck balls. Trust me. I pray to God you never face this.
MS — Morning Sickness Queasiness, nausea or vomiting caused by a flood of hormones in the first trimester. Or…a renegade taco. Depends on the day.
NPP — Not Preventing Pregnancy \_:)_/. Ye olde “que sera, sera.” See also NTNP.
NTNP — Not Trying, No Protection. See above.
O — Ovulate, ovulation When the egg bursts from its follicle and gets sucked into the fallopian tube. Time to boink your DH.
O’ING — Ovulating See above.
OI — Ovulation Induction When medications are used to control ovulation. Results in multiple eggs per cycle. Clomid, Letrozole, Gonal-f, Metformin, and Parlodel are all used for OI.
OPK — Ovulation Predictor Kits home tests that detect a woman’s LH surge, which occurs 24-36 hours prior to the big O. This is your absolutely most fertile time.
PCOS- Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome a chronic condition caused by high levels of androgens. It causes dozens of tiny cysts in your ovaries, missed or irregular periods, and infertility.
PG — Pregnant You lucky girl! Go get ’em, tiger.
POAS — Pee(ing) on a Stick Using an OPK or HPT. Also what you do while camping, but that’s unrelated.
PNV — Prenatal Vitamin For mom and baby’s health, it’s recommended she take a specially formulated multivitamin beginning 2 to 3 months before trying to conceive. During the first trimester all of the baby’s major organ systems are forming and developing. Folic acid is especially important in preventing neural tube defects. The baby’s neural tube begins to close within the first month of pregnancy, during a time when many women aren’t aware they’re pregnant!
RE — Reproductive Endocrinologist fertility specialist. In my case, Dr. Landay.
ROBI Robitussin. Hear me out – this stuff actually works to increase EWCM around ovulation. It’s guaifenesin syrup, which is an expectorant. I’ve used it once – because I had the friggin’ flu – and kept wondering why I was gushing snot outta my hoohaa. Turns out there’s a precedent in all the fertility forums. Don’t get the stuff with anything except pure guaifensin, as it can be counterproductive. And definitely talk to your doctor first. Remember, I went to public school.
SA — Semen Analysis Testing your man’s swimmers. They check volume, motility (how good they swim), morphology (no mutants, please), and overall count. FYI – My hubby has a friggin’ naval fleet. Super sperm. Huzzah!
SHOW — Soft, high, open and wet The coveted position of your cervix. It means you are at the utmost peak of your fertility. Please wash your hands.
SO — Significant Other partner, spouse, or dog. It’s a free country.
TTC — Trying To Conceive The reason we’re here! Do the baby dance, get that egg fertilized and baby started to grow!
TWW or 2WW — Two Week Wait or the Luteal Phase The time between ovulation and (hopefully) a positive pregnancy test is about 2 weeks.
US — Ultrasound An ultrasound is an imaging technique using high-frequency sound waves and a computer to create images of tissues and organs. Both abdominal (ultrasound probe on mother’s abdomen) and transvaginal (ultrasound probe inserted in vagina) are frequently used in fertility care. Ultrasounds screening can detect uterine fibroids, polyps, ovarian cysts, and other conditions which may affect fertility. It is also used to assess ovarian follicle development for intrauterine insemination and in vitro fertilization cycles.
My Stork Got Lost 