Dear Baby,
I had a dream last night and I want to get it all down while I remember it. It’s not super hard to recall the sweeping themes, but details are already slipping away.
Some of it was silly; I was in a hair salon getting my hair cut or colored (or both, that’s a detail I can’t remember), but this isnt surprising – I just changed my hair again and finally got around to posting a picture on social media, so last night right before bed I was responding to all my friends’ comments. It’s not unexpected to be dreaming about a hair salon.
What makes it strange was that in my dream, at the hair salon, I was with a friend of mine, and I was pregnant. Big, round belly, and I somehow have five months etched in my brain, so I’m guessing I was about five months along. I can’t remember my friend’s face – another unimportant detail – but she was also pregnant, about six months along.
Sometimes while I’m dreaming, I can’t see these details, like who my friend was, and for the purposes of the dream I don’t think it matters. I have a lot of pregnant friends right now. It could have been anyone.
All that matters is that I was pregnant, and my friend was pregnant, and we were together at a hair salon chatting with the stylists.
My nameless, faceless friend was so excited about her baby. She kept talking about her pregnancy, and the nursery, and her trips to Target to update her registry, everything. My stylist asked me about my baby…and I brushed her off. I told her it didn’t matter, I wasn’t preparing anything. No registry, no setting up a nursery, no planning baby showers…because my pregnancy wouldn’t last. I was going to lose my baby.
I said it so matter-of-factly, sitting there in a salon chair, that no matter how far along I was, however close I was getting to finding you…it wouldn’t happen. That even though I was so close; pregnant, five months along, big round belly – I still didn’t believe it would ever happen.
I guess even my subconscious thinks you’ll forever be out of my reach.
Let’s prove everyone wrong, okay? It’s a new year now.
Your mom’s feeling a little melancholy right now.
Love you lots, wherever you are.
Mom
My Stork Got Lost 