I think I’m psyching myself out too much about tomorrow. I’m over-analyzing everything and it’s giving me a stress headache. And most likely a stomach ulcer, but I’m pretty sure I can chalk that up to the gallons of coffee I’ve been throwing back recently.
Let me start from the beginning.
So, last week when I was “officially” diagnosed as infertile, my doctor had me schedule something called an HSG, or hysterosalpingogram.
Gesundheit.
It’s done at an imaging center, not in her office, so a bunch of strange people will be looking at all my goods. Not excited about that, but it’s necessary. An HSG is a procedure where they inject radioactive dye into your fallopian tubes and take a bunch of x-rays to check for blockages. Sounds like a good way for me to pop out one of the XMen, but at this point I’ll take my chances.
Supposedly, if the radioactive dye travels into my ovaries, all is good, but if not, it means my tubes are blocked. Eggs aren’t traveling down to my uterus, and that could be causing the infertility.
If my tubes are blocked, they can try to unblock them with laparoscopy, but that can damage the tubes… which can lead to a high risk of ectopic pregnancies down the line. So, if they are blocked, I’m in a little bit of trouble.
If they aren’t blocked, my doctor will refer me to a clinic for insemination, which is cheaper than IVF but still not covered by my insurance.
She says since I’m getting a dark line on my OPKs every month, I’m definitely ovulating. This means I’m NOT a candidate for fertility drugs (Clomid). I don’t get a positive OPK every month, but my hormones do spike. She said that if she put me on Clomid, I’d have 5-6 eggs released which would never last to term, and I’d have to “selectively terminate” all but 1 or 2.
Which isn’t an option for me, but neither is popping out the Brady Bunch.
But, she also says that whether or not the tubes are blocked, there’s an uptick in the number of pregnancies that occur in the 1-3 months after an HSG. Something about microscopic blockages that don’t show up on x-rays, but that get cleared out with the dye. So…who knows? Maybe it fixes the problem all on its own.
Oh, and the procedure is “uncomfortable” so she recommends 800mg Motrin 30 minutes before I go in. Super exciting.
I’m scared that it’ll show everything is clear and we still won’t have a cause of my infertility. I’m scared that it’ll show a blockage and I’ll have to have a risky procedure done to clear them. I’m scared it’ll hurt. I’m scared about a lot of things.
Oh, and the radiographer they have at the clinic is a guy. I have nothing against male doctors, per se – my primary care doctor is a dude – but I’ve never had a male doctor look at my girlie parts before. I’m more comfortable with women down there, seeing as they actually have the parts and pieces they’d be poking at, and, in my opinion, have a little more experience dealing with female nether regions.
I’m an equal-opportunity hater: I also don’t think female doctors or med techs need to be dealing with male parts and pieces. They just don’t know.
I could request the female radiographer, but she isn’t available for weeks. So I either wait, or I’m stuck with a dude. It’s freaking me out a bit.
Prayers are welcome, but at this point I don’t know if we should pray for blocked tubes or unblocked tubes. With blocked tubes, we’d have an answer, but with unblocked tubes…it’s still a mystery as to why I can’t get pregnant. I don’t know if I’d rather know why and face the consequences or NOT know why, and always be wondering what’s wrong with me. At least insurance would cover some of the cost if there was a legitimate reason for my infertility, like blocked tubes or endometriosis. If they aren’t blocked, it’s all out of pocket from here on out.
Sigh.
My Stork Got Lost 