Okay, I haven’t kept a journal in years.
Right before Quincy and I started dating, I remember I had to keep one for a class, so I kept a personal journal on the side. It wasn’t a real journal – at that time, I was still settling into my new relationship with Jesus, so it was less of a journal and more of a written prayer log; me writing down my thoughts and feelings for Jesus. I think it really brought me closer to myself and to God, so hopefully THIS journal brings me closer to myself, and closer to the baby that hopefully comes at the end of this.
I hope that I can keep it up, and then maybe give it to a future daughter once she starts trying to get pregnant. But that’s in the distant, distant future.
Right now, this is for me.
Okay, I think I’ve gotten ahead of myself. All of this is coming out right now because – I started spotting on Saturday!!! Like, honest to goodness, no-way-this-can-be-my-period spotting! I could be pregnant RIGHT NOW!
Nat, Sandy, Chris and I were at Stacked, the amazing restaurant that offers gluten free pasta, burgers, pizza…we were having a blast, giggling, and watching a USC game. I had a drink, and we were all tasting each other’s drinks – Chris tasted Sandy’s mojito and asked, “why am I chewing?!” when he hit the chunks of mint leaves. But anyway, I was a little tipsy and needed to pee, so I scurried off to the bathroom before heading out.
And found one little lonely drop of blood on my panties.
Okay, two things happened here. One, I freaked out a bit, to be honest. I did the math – Quincy and I had sex a couple weeks ago, when I knew I could be ovulating, so I pulled out my My Days app right there and did the math. I know, having been through this now for months – that one of the first signs of pregnancy is something called implantation spotting – a teeny bit of spotting 10-12 days after intercourse during ovulation. The fertilized egg travels down the Fallopian tube, lands in the uterus, and attaches to the wall (now the womb). And boom. Well, not boom. But anyway.
Some women feel minor cramping and a little bit of spotting when this occurs. The nerd in me imagines this is like the Enterprise docking in a space station – a little bit of bumpiness, then all’s well.
Anyway, the math – the timetable – is perfect. And my period is over a week away. I was probably grinning like an idiot coming out of the bathroom, but I didn’t care. I could be pregnant! This is amazing! But I was drinking. Not much – I don’t drink much anyway, and I get tipsy after one drink no matter what, but wouldn’t you know that the FIRST TIME I see signs of pregnancy, I’m pretty much at a bar. So, yeah, minor freak out.
Still a little concerned, although Nat has told me it wouldn’t matter, I didn’t drink much and if it was implantation spotting, it’s just a clump of cells right now and nothing would really hurt it. I hope she’s right.
Anyway, I did tell Nat. That was the second thing. Pretty sure she didn’t care to know that all the details, but she’s my best friend, and I had to tell someone. I haven’t told Quincy yet – I’m not going to until I miss my period, if by some chance I’m not, I don’t want to freak him out. I’ll wait and then find some fun way to tell him.
So, yeah. I don’t want to get ahead of myself – I’ve wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth since I first figured out what they were, and to think that it’s right around the corner is amazing, scary, and exciting all at the same time. Are we ready for a baby? Is anyone really ready?
I remember on the night of our wedding, my brother, Colt, was refusing to get up and dance with me. I told him that I could be pregnant in a week, and this would be the last time he’d get to dance with me. That made him laugh.
I really thought I’d get pregnant on our honeymoon. So, this has been a long time coming. I KNOW I was ovulating on our honeymoon, and fully expected to come back pregnant like Lisa’s sister-in-law did. Theirs was kind of a surprise; I was wishing and hoping it would happen. Maybe I was trying too hard. Or whatever.
But now, it’s the end of August, and even if I am pregnant, I’ll still fit in my dress for Allie’s wedding (it’s a little big right now anyway), and I wasn’t really even thinking about it until this weekend. So, I guess time will tell. It’d be perfect. If I am, the baby will be born right around my birthday (I think…again, I suck at math).
My Stork Got Lost 